Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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