what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
