Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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