pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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