i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
