First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
