What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
