Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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