That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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