We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
