My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
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