Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
