I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Even my vagina gasped.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
