I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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