while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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