So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
