you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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