Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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