I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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