Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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