my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
