Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
