dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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