I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
