ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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