Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize