I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
