I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
