I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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