After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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