I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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