oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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