rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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