I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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