And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
