I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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