i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
