We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
