I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
