i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
