Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
