I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
