you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
