I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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