Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize