And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
