I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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