theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
