He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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