They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dicks are not precious.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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