There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
