my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
