Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!