worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
