Just fell off a train. Bad.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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