Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we're so committed to being not committed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
