i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize