i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.