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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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