dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?