i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
