i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back