she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby