mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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