On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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