I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
